Thinking of Home and Tito Dado

For the past 3 years, I can only count few trips made home to my province. Because my kids are too young for the 8 hours road trip, it was arranged that my mom and parents in-law would just do the favor of visiting us here in the city as often as they can.

But now, I am thinking of home because I haven’t seen my relatives for almost a year already. And I am afraid I will no longer be able to see my Tito Dado.

A brother and a sidekick then to my Dad, Tito Dado was the only one I regularly see at home. He was never married. He was already content spending his life with his family taking care of his nieces and nephews until all have grown up to have a family of their own. He now devotes his time taking care of his sick mother, my lola.

I never asked why he didn’t marry. I never saw him going on a steady relationship either. I don’t think he is gay. Maybe, the big family he grew up with has already overwhelmed him that much. He is happy go lucky, I can’t blame him he had all his time for himself. One thing I really liked about him was his laughing trips. He was undeniably very consistently cool.

But today, I received the news that he is in the ICU since Saturday and that he may no longer make it. My mom’s helpers have been saying my Tito has been talking about going to a fun party somewhere else and that this week will be the end of his sufferings. My mom says he no longer looked like the Tito Dado I saw before. He now looked just like my dad on his deathbed. And because my mom sees my Dad in him, she gets so affected that she’s been spending a lot of time in his bedside.

And it gave me chills. I am thinking now if I should go home to go see my Tito Dado before it’s too late. Or is it because I wanted to see how my Dad looked like when he was about to go. These are my weird thoughts now. I want to see my Tito Dado and I want to see my Dad.

I miss them both. My Dad and my Tito Dado.

This is the sad part of life. When we grow old enough to be able to do things on our own, we cut the line from the people who we’ve once been depending on. And though we appreciate how they took care of us, it makes them sad to feel their purpose has been served and they are no longer needed.

I want to go home. I want to personally thank my Tito for helping me become the doting mom that I am now. If I never felt loved then I wouldn’t know how to love this way in return.